Acknowledging the Fear
I find it daunting when I tell some people I’m a writer. There is a fear that wells up in me, the moment it comes out of my mouth I wish I could reach out and grab the words and stuff them back down. I then find myself apologizing for my work not being worthy of the person I am talking to. Fear is a funny thing, it is a dance of rejection and approval that lives in all of us. This dance has the capacity to take on a life of its own when we let it. We end up having a love/hate relationship with our ego.
When I was writing my blog in San Francisco there was less fear, I felt as if living in the creative city by the bay gave me the fortitude to stand up and be accounted for. I AM A WRITER! I also did it anonymously. No picture on the website, there were readers that never knew it was me. Only the few that I held close to the vest were privy to my online identity. I was safe and fear was never a matter of contention. It’s easy to be fearless when you hide who you are. Then in one decision I decided to move to the suburbs and live near family. Fear was racing down the track and I was its only target.
As it turned out when I left the city I had called home, my corner of the world; I left my writing moxie behind. Writing from a place of vulnerability left me feeling cowardice. I could no longer write what was in my heart, I was consumed with fear. But why? Where was this coming from? The answer is simple, family.
Life in the city was freeing, it was a habitat I was comfortable with. What if writing in the suburbs made me less of a wordsmith? How could I write what I wanted to and still keep everyone happy? My views are very different than that of my family. Now what was I going to do? How was I going to find my creative outlet?
“Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity and change.” ― Brené Brown
The answer came to me during a conversation with a friend, she said do it anyway. Wait what? That was the wisdom coming from someone who may or may not read my stuff anyway. None the less, she was right. I knew it was time to face my fear and just go for it. It was time to suck it up, and go out on that limb and just break myself wide open. What is the worst that could happen? Probably nothing an apology can’t fix. And that fear of what others think of me. Yes I said it!! I said what so many are afraid to say. We put our creative selves out there for the world to judge. Whether we want an opinion or not, there is always that chance of getting it. So what?
Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway
It’s like this, if someone doesn’t like what I write about, my writing style, whatever; who cares? All that matters is that it resonates with those that do enjoy it. Taking a chance and putting it all out there is what legends are made of. Just jump, throw caution to the wind and speak your truth. Face your fear. Let rejection and approval move rhythmically through you. Embrace fear, it doesn’t go away, it needs to learn its place.
Fear can be a great learning too. It can make you vulnerable too. You learn to embrace it. Fear is just your ego sitting in judgement. We all have it, it’s how we handle it. I choose to feel the fear and do it anyway. I can’t care what others think, it really isn’t my business anyway. So next time you feel fear creeping in, just stand at your precipice and JUMP!!!