There is a growing movement in this country and abroad, plus size women are being seen and heard in mainstream media. Huzzah! Or not…I wrote about Tess Holiday becoming the first plus size model to be signed to a major agency. The only problem is the agency is in the UK. While many don’t see it as a problem, and it isn’t, it is not a company based in New York or Los Angeles. Maybe we just aren’t ready in this country to see a plus size woman on the cover of Vogue. None the less, plus size women are coming out all over the place. They run yoga studios, they are publishing books about being plus size, they are all over social media; they are even on morning TV.
I love the plus size movement. Being a plus woman I am feeling the solidarity with them, until I really don’t. I have always known what size I am. Living in San Francisco it did seem to be more readily accepted. The suburbs are another story. I live in an area where there are many, and I do mean many plus size women, there are also equally if not more skinny women. Yep, I said the ‘s’ word.
The Plus Size Gospel
I decided a while ago, I too, was going to jump on the plus size, positive body image bandwagon. I am a plus size woman cheering on the big girls. I was pontificating to anyone who will listen, it is okay to be plus. There is a huge (no pun intended) part of me that does believe in loving your curves, being sexy, and just plain rocking the body you are in. Yet, the reality is, it isn’t okay for me. I realized I jumped in full throttle. Don’t I always? Let’s face it, I joined the “club” as a way to make myself believe it was okay to be a fatty, and yes, I said fatty. Get over it.
What a great excuse it has been. I am awed by the plus size women and the movement they champion. That said, it really isn’t in my wheelhouse, in fact, it isn’t my generation. I am of the generation that thinner is better, healthier, what ever. What I am not, is of the mindset or generation that this size is okay…for me. I would never speak for the generation, or anyone for that matter, that embraces their plus size.
Plus Size Envy
Truth be told, I am a little jealous of them. I really wanted to be one of those people that could jump on and stay on this ride. Alas, I can’t. I just don’t think it really works for me. If it did, I wouldn’t be spending hours upon hours of my life trying to look smaller. Advocating for myself as a plus size woman just isn’t who I am.
I absolutely love the women that are doing it, the ones that are finding success in the world with what they believe in. I am still figuring it all out. Truth be told it was a conversation with a very skinny friend which made me realize I am using this group and their liveliness to continue the poor life choices I have once again found myself in.
It kind of feels good to come clean, to tell the truth behind my blurry advocacy. Yet there is a small part of me that is still a believer in the game. I do believe you can be healthy at any size, you can be accepted for who you are, not what you look like. It is a sort of left brain/right brain battle for me. As much as I believe, I also know myself. I don’t think I will ever be a Jes Baker, a Virgie Tovar, or any of the other plus size women you’ve never heard of.
I have to be me. I will always admire them, I just need to do it in context. I need to admire their grit, their determination and their moxie. As for the rest of it, I think it may be time to remove positive body image advocate from all of my profiles. Time to let someone else take those reins….