My Greatest Fear…

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

I have been thinking a lot about my upbringing. I was raised to know right from wrong, to mind my manners, and to respect others. Lately, it is the last part, the respect others that has me and my writing at a stand still. In so many blogs past, and I do mean many, I have talked about how I want to write and will write my truth. If you are a faithful reader, you know that probably hasn’t happened. At least not the way I said I would. 

I have a lot to say. I have an opinion about almost everything. Yet when it comes to writing my truth, I feel stifiled. It comes back down to respect. When I was writing for The Perceptive Woman, I was able to hide behind a persona. I didn’t use my face, I didn’t even use my name. I let that blog go and decided it was time to come out of hiding. There’s just one problem, I’m still hiding. 

My Greatest Fear

When I think about what I want to write on a regular basis, here is how I see it. I write what is in my head; the good, the bad and the ugly. A regular bit of musings of how I see life. After all, it’s my blog and my words and to be honest there is a little something called first amendment rights. However, when I think about all of this a fear sets in. There is the risk of offending people that will see themselves in these pages. There is the unsettling feeling I will be judged. I will piss people off, make them angry. But then there is the chance to really feel free, to say what I want and be damned what anyone thinks. 

I came out of hiding for a reason, I was tired of being in the shadows of The Perceptive Woman. I will admit, I went as far as to search out that domain again, so that I might right my truth from behind the big, floppy hat she wore. But as Marianne Williamson said, “your’re playing small does not serve the world”. It doesn’t serve me either. (By the way, the original author of this quote is said to be Nelson Mandela. Just want to make sure I give credit where credit is due} 

Living in fear is a terrible thing. Natural fear is understandable, pissing people off is a whole other issue. One I am slowly discovering I no longer care about. I certainly don’t mean that to sound callous or harsh. Quite the contrary, I really believe we do ourselves a huge injustice when we play small. I am not someone to play small. My goal is never to hurt anyone’s feelings or make them mad. Why should I keep quiet when I have created a forum for myself? It is my forum, I own it and I want to have the conviction to stand behind it. 

I decided a while back, if I was going to continue on the journey, using this medium, I was going to have to do it on my terms. No more playing small. As the quote says, by liberating myself, I will in turn, be liberating you…..Namaste