Finding Closure

Time to Find Closure

I recently embarked on a weekend getaway to San Francisco. If you have been reading me for a while you know that is where I used to live and where I left my heart. It was a long weekend that I kept quiet to just a few very close friends. I was very nervous about this trip, this was my first trip back in four years. Sure I have gone for work, but that is a quick turnaround trip. This was vacation, just for me. What I didn’t realize that I was going to find closure on this excursion.

For the last four years I have been going through the motions of my life. Always thinking I would likely move back to the city by the bay, the place I called home for so long. I spent these last four years in a fog. While some things have arisen in my life that make Phoenix home, ie. my autoimmune disease(s), my Mother’s illness, family; I think I assumed this was just a pit stop on the way back to my happy place. I could never have imagined I would be making peace with my present and letting go of the past.

An Eye Opening Experience

san-francisco-cityI discovered many things about myself on my trip. I saw the city in a different light. My life is a far cry from what it once was. I was priviledge to some wonderful restaurants, a vibrant city full of life, and soulful conversations with dear friends. It was a magical weekend. The weather was cold and sunny, just as I had remembered. There were a few things I didn’t remember. It seemed the city felt dirtier, the homelessness seemed rampant, it was as if all these changes took place and I was still living in 2005. Things and people moved on and I was still living in the past. I realized it was time to move on, let go and find closure. I don’t move at the frenetic pace of a bustling city. While I didn’t realize how much the city had changed, the bigger realization was, I had changed.

 

During this trip, I saw so many things that made me realize I don’t fit in San Francisco anymore. I saw the lowest of the low, I was asked for money so often, it made me sad. I certainly don’t remember being asked for money that often. I also had the incredible pleasure of being in the penthouse of a mutual friend. That is what I thought was the top of the top (no pun intended).  Needless to say, being asked for money in the morning by a street person and then enjoying time in a multi million dollar penthouse, well let’s just say, the irony is not lost on me. We all make choices.

Time to Let Go

I had some time to reflect about that afternoon of seeing the highs and lows of the city. It became very clear, it is all about choice. We all make choices everyday. Those choices we make often times dictate the outcome sometime in our future. I started thinking about the choices I have made. The choice to move to Arizona from a city I loved, and still love. The choice to not embrace my current lifestyle in hopes of regaining the life I once knew. I thought a lot about the choices I have made over the last several years. There was one common denominator, it’s time to change, and it was time for closure.

phoenix

So that is what I did, I let go of the past, and am looking towards the future. My trip to San Francisco was amazing. I have lifelong friends there and we had a great time together. My life here is pretty good as well. I am able to slow down, stop and smell the roses and enjoy life. I got the closure I needed to move on. San Francisco will always hold a special place in my heart. After all, that is where I found myself…..