I need to lose weight. Yep, if you know me, you know this to be true. It should be stated as well, I have lost a considerable amount of weight, yet there is always room for improvement. The issue isn’t losing weight, we all know how. I do believe it is more difficult to maintain a desired weight. That said, I am at a crossroads. I am a BIG believer in positive body image advocacy. I have had some amazing mentors along the way. Women that live unapologetically. I want to be that woman. I was almost there, until….
Something always gets in the way. This would be the time in a coaching session I would tell a client, “you get in your own way”. Now as true as that is, this thing, as it were, that keeps getting in the way is the Universe. I bet you thought I was going to say something else, didn’t you? I believe messages are sent to us all the time, whether or not we choose to listen is another story.
Body Image is a Struggle
I have struggled with my weight for many years, autoimmune disease aside, it has been an uphill battle. What I am discovering is the struggle isn’t just with losing weight, rather accepting the weight I am. I have let my body size control just about every little thing I do. I no longer want to live that way. I recently told some friends, the bottom line is this, people can either accept me the way I look or move on. Only I can’t move on. This is my body, the only place I have to live. Yep, I stole that line.
My mind has been all over the place around this issue. In a perfect world, I am surrounded with other positive body image advocates. I don’t really count most of my friends, they are my friends, they love me no matter what. Maybe I am dreaming of a world where fat shaming doesn’t exist. A world where every other word out of people’s mouths isn’t, “I need to lose weight”, or “I can’t eat that”, or insert any other negative statement. I long for that world, and I like to think we are getting close.
I understand we all want to look a certain way that makes us feel good about ourselves. I, too, want to feel good about myself. Most days I do. For some reason I am aware of how I look, the kicker is, I do it to myself. When I think about the generation of young women coming up, I am reminded of Tess Holliday. I am probably reminded of her because she is on my social media pages. She is the first plus size model to be signed to an agency. Big kudos to Milk UK. Of course, I notice Milk NYC didn’t sign her, I’m guessing a size 22 model is just not in their wheelhouse. This country is not ready for the likes of Tess Holliday. She is very proud of who she is and makes no apologies. She has a bevy of followers on her social media sites. She also has her fair share of trolls. She ignores them with grace. Her followers on the other hand are quick to rip them apart.
I think about Tess and her new found fame, all because she is a pretty face on a plus size body. Is she groundbreaking or just the latest fad? Time will tell. I guess I am writing this because I am feeling at a crossroads, especially with writing. I can’t seem to nail down one niche topic. Truth is I really don’t want to. I am a mixed bag, I have autoimmune disease, so I write about those struggles; I am plus size, so I write about that. They can be related, however, not in the context for which I write. Then there are the aging parents, I haven’t even begun to write about those struggles.
I guess all in all, life is what we make it. I come to terms every day with the way I look, which by the way, ain’t that bad! I struggle to feel good some days with my autoimmune disease, I deal with parents on the downside of life (their words, not mine). Yes, it is safe to say, I am pretty normal. Navigating the road of life in bigger jeans, a body that doens’t always function the way I want it too, and a society that isn’t always kind. That’s life. I do the best I can, in the body I have. I will handle the daily grind with a kind of grace and a little bit of troll patrol if need be. Now about that writing niche…..